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Home is where the heart is

January 27, 2010 at 08:55 (family, flat 2.08, heidelberg, nostalgia)

My room’s already empty, and I’m about to move out of the flat in less than an hour. My flight’s not until tomorrow, (and I still have an exam for Deutschkurs for which I haven’t prepared yet) but we had to move out early to get our deposits on time. I never really thought that I will feel this way once I leave Heidelberg. I was always very excited about going home–all the familiar faces, the warmth of the sun and just everything being back to normal again. But all these in Germany have also been normal. I will miss the wonderful transportation which hopefully will someday be applied to the Philippines. I will miss hearing somebody else’s language and being able to understand it. I will miss keeping secrets by speaking in Filipino. I will miss my flatmates in spite of our not very close relationships. I will miss having to cook for myself, doing grocery and such. I will especially miss looking out the kitchen window–seeing trees and roofs covered in snow with a small chimney slightly heating the view.

Eduard made a very good realization. It is always easier to leave something that you’re sure you’ll come back to than those that you’re uncertain with. I left the Philippines very passively–I figured 5months will go by so quickly, and I’ll be back in no time. Quickly, they did pass by. And now I will have to leave Heidelberg, but not knowing after how long I will again see this beautiful city. This is where I grew up. Yes, it may just have been 5months but those 5months were probably more vivid than all my childhood memories(yea, I don’t remember much of them or maybe I really didn’t have much of a childhood back then). I guess it is not in the length of an experience but its depth and how it has made its mark on us.

I have always thought this place will never feel like home. But right now, it really hurts to have to give up the key and all the things that come with it.

No offense, Philippines. I still love you

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Ang pagbabalik

January 22, 2010 at 09:43 (eurotrips, heidelberg, nostalgia, yehey!)

Nabura lahat ng sinulat ko. Tamad na’kong isulat uli. Maya nalang.

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Edukasyon

December 8, 2009 at 14:39 (heidelberg, school)

Ano nga uli ang kahulugan ng edukasyon para sa’tin? Sa tinagal-tagal ko na ring nag-aaral naging isang routine nalang ‘to. Kaya naman tuwang-tuwa ako rito sa mga kaklase ko rito sa Alemanya dahil parang lahat sila matalino. Hindi matalino sa aspetong perfect quizzes (hindi ko ‘to alam kasi wala naman kaming quizzes dito). Matalino sila sa aspetong marunong silang bumasa ng isang isyu at alam nila ang paninindigan nila tungkol dito. Matalino sila sa paraang gising sila sa kung anumang nangyayari sa mundo. Matalino sila dahil ang edukasyon para sa kanila ay hindi lamang pagmememorya. Matalino sila dahil ang unibersidad ay isang lugar para sa tunay na karunungan.

Kahapon may dumating sa klase naming Economic Growth. Dumating na rin siya noon, pero hindi palagi. Patapos na rin kasi ang aming klase kaya siguro naisipan niyang pumasok. Matapos talakayin ng aming guro ang huling kabanata ng aming libro, itinaas niya ang kanyang kamay at sinabing ang buong aklat ay bullshit. Dahil sa totoo lang daw ay hindi naman na naaakma ang mga assumptions na ginamit sa mga modelo. Karamihan sa mga sinabi niya ay mali at nagpapakita ng kawalan niya ng background sa Economics. Siguro nga dapat tumahimik na lang siya. Pero ang mahalaga sa pangyayaring ito ay itinaas niya ang kamay niya at may kakayahan siyang sabihin sa guro niya na sa tingin niya mali ang libro. Na mali ang mismong pinag-aaralan pa nga namin. Kailan pa ba huling nangyaring may lakas ang isang estudyante ng Ateneong itaas ang kamay at sabihing walang kwenta ang inaaral niya kung sa tingin niya’y wala nga talaga itong kwenta? Maitataas mo ba ang kamay mo’t makikipagdebate kay Sir Strebel tungkol kay Parminedes?

Sa kabilang panig din ng debatehan ay nakita ang pagpapahalaga ng mga estudyante sa pag-aaral. Dahil sinabi nung lalaking dumating na walang kwenta ang Economics at ang buong sistema ng pag-aaral niyon, dinepensahan naman ito ng mga tunay na mag-aaral ng Economics. Ang lumalabas ay alam talaga nila kung anong inaaral nila at naniniwala sila sa inaaral nila. Naniniwala ba’ko sa Management Engineering at sa kung anong maaaring maidulot ko sa mundo gamit ito? Madedepensa ko ba ito sa harap ng ibang tao? Talaga bang itong inaaral ko ang siyang gusto ko at huli’t huli sa lahat talaga bang nag-aaral ako? Ikaw, nag-aral ka na ba?

Naisip ko lang, siguro nung panahon ni Rizal ganito rin mga kaklase niya. At may lakas si Rizal na makipagtalastasan din sa mga kaklase niya. Tunay na pakikipagtalastasan. Dasal namin iyan noon sa Holy. Naalala niyo?

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Pilipinas: Ang Sangkabaliwan

December 7, 2009 at 11:30 (noyping noypi, social)

‘Wag asahan ang tuwid na pag-iisip sa susunod na sanaysay; isa itong rant.

Sa aking pamamalagi sa Alemanya ay natural lamang na pinag-aaralan ko ang kanilang wika. Kasama sa aming klase ang pag-uulat ukol sa sariling bansa. Bago ko pa maisipang simulan ang aking ulat, siguro dahil na rin sa pangungulila sa mga mahal sa buhay, ay naramdaman ko talagang isang napakagandang lugar ang Pilipinas. Noon ikinatatakot ko na kapag tanungin ako kung ano ang ipinagmamalaki ko tungkol sa Pilipinas ay wala akong maisagot. Madalas kong napag-iisipan iyon simula noong dumating ako rito sa Alemanya.

Ano nga bang maipagmamalaki natin bilang mga Pilipino? Anong meron tayong wala sa iba? Nakita ko kasi ang kagandahan ng ibang mga bansa—mayroon din ba tayo noon? Ano ang masasabing tatak Pilipino talaga? Meron nga ba, takot kong tinanong.

Hindi ko pa talaga naiikot ang mundo, at masakit mang aminin hindi ko rin pa nasusuyod ang Pilipinas. Ngunit sa maikling panahong napunta ako sa ibang lugar, kagulat-gulat man, doon ko nakilala ang bansa natin. Sa ngayon hindi pa rin talaga ako nakakalabas ng Alemanya—ngunit naniniwala akong sapat na ang aking karanasan sa ibang bansa upang masabi ang ilang mga bagay na sasabihin ko.

Ang ibang mga bansa’y masasabi nating sikat na talaga. Ang Pilipinas kasi, hindi. Kapag tinanong mo ang kahit isang Aleman sa kalye[1] ay malamang alam nila kung saan ang Thailand. Ayun, sikat sa kanila iyon. Pero kung tanungin mo kung ano ang Pilipinas, malamang sa malamang, hindi nila alam. Kung may maisagot man sila tungkol sa Pilipinas, malamang dahil lang iyon sa pagiging matunog natin nitong mga nakaraang buwan[2]. At hindi naman iyon ang gugustuhin mong malaman nila, ‘di ba?

Mabalik sa punto ko. Kahit ang pinakasikat nating baybaying-dagat, malamang sa malamang tanging mga gala lang talaga ang nakakaalam. Hindi siya tipong instant recognition tulad ng Phuket o Tokyo. Ang problema pa, naunahan na tayo ng ibang bansa. Ang ibig kong sabihin e, may mga ganung baybaying dagat din naman sa ibang bansa. Ano nalang ang natira sa’tin, kung gayon? At ayun na nga’t nadala muli tayo sa pinakaugat na tanong—ano nga ba ang tatak Pinoy? Kung titignan ang mga balitang lumalabas kamakailan lang ukol sa Pilipinas, parang ayokong tanggapin na ang mga bagay na magpapasikat sa’tin ay iyong mga kaguluha’t mga katarantaduhan ng iilang tao. Kung hahanapin ang “wow Philippines” sa Youtube at papanuorin ang unang resultang lalabas, makikitang isang magandang patalastas naman ito. Hindi ako sigurado kung gawa nga ito ng Wow Philippines o hindi. Natuwa nga ako sa katunayan. Ngunit kung titignan ang nasa baba, may isang komento na talaga namang nakasakit sa’kin. Sabi niya,

What makes the Philippines more…what? LOL
You’re the worst country in the whole world. Killing 30 journalists in one day? Still in a democracy ? you fools.

Nalungkot ako kasi sa totoo lang, hindi naman lahat ng Pilipino tarantado. At sa totoo lang, doon ko nakita kung anong sagot sa tinatanong ko kanina pa. Tao. Tao ang tatak ng Pilipinas. Para sa’kin wala nang mas sasarap pang makasama ang Pilipino. Siguro nga tama ang taong ito. Siguro nga baliw ang mga Pilipino. Baliw tayo sa napakaraming aspeto. Baliw tayo para manatili sa isang lugar na napakainit, na napakarumi, na napakaraming pagkakagulo, na napakahirap, na napakadelikado, na pumapatay ng tatlumpung miyembro ng media sa isang araw. Oo, dito kami nakatirang mga baliw. Baliw na nga siguro ang tawag sa mga taong may pag-asa. Dito sa Pilipinas nga siguro nakatira ang mga taong marunong mag-alaga. Siguro kami nga iyong tinutukoy na baliw na Masaya pa rin kahit nagkandaleche-leche na ang buhay. Pilipino nga siguro ang tawag sa mga baliw na nagpapakain sa mga hindi nila kilala, maski piyesta o pipiranggot lang ang hapunan. Sa Pilipinas nga siguro nakatira ang mga pinakabaliw na tao sa mundo. At applepicker71, ‘di ako nahihiyang sabihin Pilipino nga ako.

Hindi ko sinasabing dapat tayong manatiling bulag sa mga pagkakamali natin. Pero ang punto ko lang e, ito ang tatak Pilipino. Dahil sa totoo lang e may kakayahan naman tayong gawin ang kahit anong gusto nating gawin. Napaka-flexible nating mga tao. Kung kaya nating tiisin ang ganitong hirap, sisiw nalang ang matutong umayos. Kaya naman nating gawin ‘pag nasa ibang bansa tayo e. Kung huhugutin lang natin itong lakas na meron tayong mga baliw na Pilipino, ‘di malabong may baliw na makapagpatuwid sa mga utak natin. ‘Di malayong may isang pagkabaliw-baliw na mungkahi ang mabuo na ang buong sangkabaliwan ay sa wakas susunod. Kaya sa tingin ko sa ngayon ayos lang na baliw kami. Naghihintay lang kami ng tamang panahong ikaw naman ang mapagmatahan.

[1] Tunog tagakanto, hindi ba? Pero malinis ang mga kalye nila rito, at bihira makakita ng mga palaboy kaya’t ang tinutukoy ko rito ay iyong mga nakapag-aral o kahit may kaunting relasyon naman sa mundo.

[2] Ondoy at iyong massacre na naganap

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A Big Blank Page

December 4, 2009 at 14:10 (school)

The black line’s been staring at me for so long now. It’s always very difficult to start a paper. I wish something hits me very hard, and then when I wake up there’s already some 2 pages written for me. Argh. I hate writing research papers. Did I mention I hate writing research papers? I hate writing research papers. Yea, I hate writing research papers.

On an incredibly random and grim note, I was afraid to sleep last night ’cause I was scared that I won’t wake up anymore. How do you deal with that, huh? Haha Do pray for me and these papers and exams I will have to overcome. I miss studying M.E. majors. And Philo. Bring me back to Ateneo? haha

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Inactivity

December 1, 2009 at 18:30 (Uncategorized)

As you may have noticed, I haven’t been writing anything. Right now, we’re in the University Library abusing the internet. We still don’t have net in our dorm, and the lifeline that is Eduard’s is also not working. So yea. There’s too much stuff that are prohibited in this library. And because I’m tamad, I’ll just paste. hahaha

ANG DAMING HASSLE NO

Nicole De Vera: bawal magdala ng bag sa loob

Nicole De Vera: so iniwan namin sa lockers

Nicole De Vera: tapos bawal din nakajacket

Nicole De Vera: so bumalik kami,tinanggal namin

Nicole De Vera: tapos bawal din laptop sleever

Nicole De Vera: *sleeves

Nicole De Vera: HAHAHAHAHA

Nicole De Vera: onti onti kaming hinuhubaran e

Nicole De Vera: pero last naman na yon sa awa ng Diyos.hahah

Anyway, thank you still for stumbling upon my blog despite its inactivity. I promise to write more when I have internet already, or when I have something interesting to say. On a very unfortunate side note, my charger stopped functioning. I had to buy this 60eur universal charger.

Oh well.

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Weihnachtsmarkt

November 25, 2009 at 22:04 (heidelberg)

This will be a photoblog. This is the Christmas Market here in Heidelberg. There are three areas that host this event every year–Universitätsplatz, Marktplatz and Kornmarkt. In Karlsplatz, there’s a skating rink too

cute kid

Iceskating in Karlsplatz

at a belen store

frosted windows~

at a toy store

yey

Carousel Good night!

We’ll be having this until December 22 That’s all for now. Good night!

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How to function

November 25, 2009 at 12:45 (geek post, social)

Warning: geek post coming up.

I woke up this morning without internet, and I couldn’t function. I was set to read on chapters for my Economic Growth classes, and all the materials are available even without the internet. But I could not stand the fact that my laptop is on without any form of communication to the outside world. Turned out my flatmate hasn’t paid for the internet. In short, naputulan. Anyway, we’ll get it back as soon as he calls them. Right now, he just woke up and so he hasn’t done that yet so I scrambled to cook my lunch and went off to Eduard’s. I need internet.

So now that I have internet, I’d like to tell you about the very few things I was able to stuff into my head while worrying for the internet. I was reading this chapter on Social Infrastructure (Chapter 7, Introduction to Economic Growth by Charles Jones). Its main point was trying to answer yet another question that arose from the famous question–’why are we so rich, and they so poor?’ Different growth models (Solow, Romer, etc) tell us that differences in savings rate, population growth rate, years devoted to accumulating skills and the distance from the technology frontier create differences in the growth rate of countries. However, why is it that given two countries with the same values for the parameters–savings rate, etc. there still are differences among countries?

Chapter 7 tries to answer this with social infrastructure. Depending on the social infrastructure of an economy, investors, entrepreneurs and laborers themselves make decisions that affect the growth of the economy. This particular part was of importance especially for us Filipinos because Jones’ examples were far too familiar.

If an economy is one that favors diversion instead of production, then there’s no incentive for foreign investors to invest in the economy. Nor do the entrepreneurs to build new ways of production. Nor do the laborers want to stay and work in that economy. What is diversion? Diversion is when capital which is supposedly for production is diverted to other things in order to keep production running. These include taxes, bribes, red tapes and such. The Philippines has too many of that stuff.

These things–bribery, etc. are not unusual in the Philippines. However, I never really thought of it as something that goes beyond the short run. A part of me wished that this be changed. And so I thought, why is this the case in our country when others are readily open to strict, transparent and production-encouraging economies?

This is how we function. This is etched in our cultural identity. I’m not sure, but I think Michael Tan wrote about it–the idea of kapwa. I think this topic deserves its own blog entry, so I’ll cut this short for now. On a completely unrelated note, it’s the birthday of Roxanne Marie Hosaka Enriquez. I miss you, The Largest. Do drop by Germany, will you?

The promised Christmas market post will come later, it’s a beautiful day so I’ll be able to take pictures. Yey!

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I’ve been very unproductive.

November 24, 2009 at 20:00 (oddity)

I’ve seen more movies here in my dorm than all those I’ve seen in Manila. Not. But still. So much so that when I was reading this chapter for one of my classes and decided to get something to munch on, a very distinct reaction came to me–Wait, pause muna. … Oh, right. It’s on paper.

Right now I’m waiting for Chicago to load a bit more. I’ve seen it before, but I can’t seem to remember what it was about. Haha probably one of the movies that made me fall asleep–includes: Godfather, all of the installments of Lord of the Rings, and really sorry, Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End (although this one, I was just so very sleepy that day). I have stuff to do, but I just can’t push myself to doing them. But I promised that after this movie I shall cross out the last two things on my to-do list. Those last two things are quite long and major, though. Anyway, I can stay up ’cause tomorrow’s a Wednesday. My classes start at 1630. Crazy, right? Haha Anyway, I think the streaming’s ready now. This is just one of those filler blog entries. Tomorrow, I shall supply you with a much better one because tomorrow is the opening of the Weinnachtsmarkt! Super excited

I’ve been meaning to start tying my hair up. Should I?

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